Pain, hurt, sadness, emotional self-doubts, and worries are part of our lives. Those are inevitable, overwhelming and beyond our control. Most of the time, no matter how good you are, how much you give in and how much you do care; the people around us and the circumstances unexpectedly turn against us hurting to the core beating our feelings, peace and serenity.
This could be anything; a toxic relationship, a crazy boss, a nerdy peer, a fake friend, a parent who never understood you, or an illness. As you can see, these all are beyond our control, that still can hurt, damage and let us down.
As women, we have multiple roles to play in our lives with a lot of responsibilities and duties. Most of us are naturally trained to give in, sacrifice and tolerate shit. I don’t say it is wrong to do only good, or we should not do them. But it must be in a healthy manner, with a balance and proper essential limits/ boundaries.
So, today let’s discuss the ways and means that will aid us in identifying the best for us and effective ways we can practice, to refrain from getting hurt and overcoming the pain and heartache.
1. Respect yourself by knowing that you are enough – Nobody’s perfect, everyone has their own flaws. Everybody’s circumstances are not identical. We all different. But remember everybody is unique too, have their own kind of beauty and talents with so much competency. Therefore, be confident of yourself, feel confident in your skin and keep your head high because you are important just like your husband, just like your posh friend, just like your boss, just like any person in this world.
2. Know your worth – As explained above you are more than enough. I know, you might always do your best. You may try to go the extra mile to help your friend or care for your family. But sometimes, when you over-do things, people around you will be inclined to take you for granted. You will eventually feel tired and drained. Therefore, don’t forget that you are important too, you are worthy and precious. You need to do things without making yourself tired or letting people taking you for granted. If there is any circumstance that doesn’t treat you well and disrespect your presence, remove your self from those places or relationships. That will give you so much peace and most importantly it will let the good people come in.
3. Have healthy boundaries – This immensely helps you to manage your energy and time. Remove the contacts, messages or any media that will ruin your peace, mood or happiness. Block any contact or people whose presence or behavior that bothers or hurts you. Decide whom that you will allow in your life and keep away. This will give you peace and joy of a healthy circle.
4. Let bygones be bygones – Make sure not to cling to the past. It is not easy to remove all the hurtful and painful memories at once. But you should understand that it is already the past. First, you need to make peace with yourself and your past, you are not alone in that process because everybody has a past and they too are struggling to make peace. Mistakes or misgivings don’t define you; those happen to strengthen you and teach you to be a better version of you. Second, stop telling your stories to others. This will lodge the past to your mind. Therefore, be kind to yourself, let the past go and enjoy this very moment and be ready for a happy future.
5. Embrace yourself – This connects with knowing your worth (no.2), but let’s see how we can do this. You need to embrace yourself first. Have good food, it is alright to be careful about your spending, but you need to spend well for the prime things in your life like good organic food, your gym membership, library subscriptions, and beauty replenishments. Take good care of yourself as you take care of others. Meantime save for your future.
6. Have a good read whenever possible – I know, there are tons of e-books and a lot of cyber means and ways available for readers. But I still buy books clinging to the old classic way. It still amazes me when I go past libraries and book stores. I am not asking you to buy tangible books, you can read online easily. Pick any convenient way for you, but make sure to allocate at least a small slot in your weeks’ schedule. Trust me, it will take you to another world. Remember; a reader lives a thousand lives before he dies, the man who never read lives only one.
7. Travel somewhere you love – I know we always haven’t got a lot of money or we won’t be having much time to spare in this ridiculously busy and stressful lifestyle. But you need to give this a serious thought. It doesn’t have to be an extravagant expensive travel destination. You might even hit the nearest coffee shop, the closet shopping mall or a lake or a park near your house. Just have a little time out, get blended in with nature or do some window-shopping. Anything that will help to replenish your mood and soul.
8. Revisit your talents or hobbies – Do you remember the last time you drew like when you were in college, the last time you sang your own song or write the verses born in your mind? The last time you decorated your house with your own craft or did gardening? Give your talents and hobbies a chance again, it will engage your mind while making you happy, parallelly, it will make you forget your worries and pain. So, engage yourself with your hobbies and anything you love.
9. Talk to your close friends or family – Talking about your emotional pains or deep hurt can be really therapeutic. Bottling up your pain and stresses will not help you to move on with your life. Therefore, talking to your close friend or family may help to heal you. Choose the most trustworthy person, so that you will feel comfortable, secure and light.
10. Always focus on the positive side – This is the golden rule that always helped and saved me. At some points, I questioned and never understood the possibility of doing it. It seemed so impossible to be positive when you have hit the rock bottom or dipped in hurt, but trust me it really works universally. Always try to think, that everything happens for a reason and the reason is, definitely for good. Accept the fact that at least you learn things through hard times that will help you do better in future. Therefore being positive will definitely make your life better and secure.